Bellatrix's Diary
by flowerbirdie13
Summary: Just randomness that would only occur in Bellatrix Lestrange's diary.
1. Chapter 1

**Dear Diary:**

Hi! Today I crucio'd tons of muggles. I can't describe how it feels to hear their screams of pain. It just feels so exhilarating! Ooh, big word! Did I spell that right? Oh well! Anyways…Ooh! I accidentally threw a knife at Dolphy's head…Ok, it wasn't an accident. I did it on purpose. But he was pissing me off! He ate one of my sugar cookies and said it sucked! Sure, they were burnt and had bits and pieces of egg shells, but he shouldn't have insulted my cooking skills! A good husband would have just ate one and said it was yummy. Bad Dolphy! So, I threw a knife at him. I wasn't aiming for his head. I was aiming for his heart. But I missed, which never happens. I think he ducked so it would hit his head. But he remembered he was a wizard at the last minute and put up a shield. …Maybe I should go finish the job…with a wand this time…wow, I really hate my husband. Oh well! He's a really bad Death Eater, so no one will really miss him. Well, off to kill him! Oh, darn it! He went into hiding! I just found his note that said "Bella, I'm going to hide from you. Don't come looking for me. I love you! See you when you forget about me, which will be in a week or two, so see you then! 3 Rudolphus." …Who was I talking about again?

**Hi! It's me, the author person! I just got really bored, so I wrote this bit of randomness! If you review then I'll write more, but if you don't, this will be the first and last chapter. Or not. Who knows. Anyways…Please review! And have a great day/night/whatever!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Dear Diary:**

Today I had aaa whole plate of cupcakes! I was so sugar-high afterward that I ran around killing muggles. Oh, and I found Dolphy and killed him! First I stabbed him in the chast viciously. Then, when he didn't die, I just crucio'd the crap out of him! Then he died. Oh well! He was a spre, so it's ok that he died. Now, how to MAKE Voldemort love me...I think i'll try a love potion...the strongest i can find. If that doesn't work, I'll imperio him. When that doesn't work, I'll just have to trick him into marrying me. Bye!


	3. Chapter 3

Today I killed a lot of muggles. Oh, and remember that weird snatcher guy, whose aesome pants I stole? Oh, and I stole his shirt too...Anyway, I crucio'd him and stole his clothes again. Now i have two pairs of awesome pants! I threw his shirt away because it was so yucky...I wonder if that guy even bathes...Sugar! I really love sugar, in case you haven't noticed. Dolphy's finally back from St. Mungo's. It turns out that i didn't kill him after all. That's too bad. Ooh, I should tell him that I married Voldy! And I should kill Dolphy because divorcing him would take too long. So I think I'm just going to torture the crap outta him, stab him lots, and rip him apart limb by limb. That's not even me at my most violent! Maybe if i had lots of sugar and coffee, I could torture him more violently. Ooh, and then I'll crucio him until he dies. And if that doesn't work I'll just stab him until he does die. I don't know what Cissy's been talking about. I don't need to be locked up in a mental hospital. I don't even need a therapist, really. Even sane people torture people until they die, not that I'm claiming I'm insane. Well, time to kill Dolphy! Bye!

Hi! Please review and vote! And have a wonderful day/night/whatever! 


	4. Chapter 4

Today i saw a dead sparrow in the street. It looked all sad, with its feet curled up in the air. So I named it Captain Jack. I know it's dead, but I thought it was kinda funny. I mean, Captain Jack the Sparrow is kinda funny. So I don't know what happened to Dolphy. It's like he disappeared off the face of the planet or something like that. Maybe he went to Mars. Oh well. He'll be back, and when he does come back, I'll be ready to torture him and kill him. Then I'll have one husband, the one that I truly love. The one that I rotted away in Azkaban for who knows how many years for...Oh well. So I just killed and tortured a bunch of muggles. Wait...Oh, tortured and killed. Because torturing comes before killing...right...Anywho...It was fun! Their screams of pain just make me so happy. It makes me want to torture and kill more muggles! Cissy thinks I need therapy. My therapist is awesome. We just sit around and watch people die and things blow up. Apparently she thinks I'm awesome, and she always wanted to be a Death Eater, but she never felt like joining us and killing and torturing people. Oh well! She can miss out on all the fun if she wants. I'm bored. I think I'll eat a ton of sugar, drink a ton of coffee with a ton of sugar in it, and blow stuff up.

**Hello! Please please please please review! And please vote on my poll, which can be found on my profile. And have a marvelous day!**


	5. Chapter 5

Hi! Okay, so I just blew a ton of stuff up. Ooh, and tortured muggles. And I killed muggles. I was watching this one movie with my therapist, and the baker lady looked exactly like me! Her name was Mrs. Love it or something like that...She baked people into pies. I like Mr. Toad because he killed all the people, and then he stabbed the evil dude. Oh, I think I spelled that wrong. Mr. Toad...Oh well! I was never any good at spelling...I mean, I only know three spells. Crucio, Avada kedavra, and Imperio. Meh, oh well. So it was really funny. Mrs. Love it looked exactly like me and it was really creepy but awesome. I think I may have a secret twin...maybe he's a squib...i didn't see her use magic the entire movie. Oh well. So apparently there isn't an actual word for a flying unicorn. Pegasus is a flying pony, but I've never heard of a word for a flying unicorn. Maybe it's because unicorns are just so awesome that having wings would make them too awesome, and they'd end up ruling the world somehow. Dumby wants to call them Dumbledore's Unicorn, but that's a bad idea. Maybe Voldy's Unicorn. Or maybe there's already a word for a flying unicorn, but I just don't know it yet. Oh well. I wonder if unicorns could even have wings. Ooh, I wonder if I could imperio a unicorn into flying. But that's not nice. Wait, I'm evil, who cares if it's not nice? A flyiong unicorn...Ooh, bellatrix's Unicorn! Hehe I'm going to crucio muggles.

**What is another name for a flying unicorn besdides a flying unicorn? IS there another name? Oh well! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! Ooh, and please vote on my poll, which can be found on my profile. Have a wonderful day/night/whatever!**


	6. Chapter 6

Dear diary,

Why the heck do people say that when they're writing in their diary? It pisses me off. It's not like the diary's going to write back or anything. Well, unless it's a horcrux, in which case, it actually does write back…Oh well!

_Wait…who are you?_

WHAT THE HECK?

_Uh, I asked you a question._

I asked you a question, too, and you didn't answer it.

_What the heck is not a question._

.But I used TWO question marks.

_That doesn't matter. It's sill not a question._

WHY IS MY DIARY WRITING BACK?

_Because I feel like it. Who are you?_

I'm Bellatrix LeStrange, the Dark Lord's most loyal follower.

Oh crap…

Why? And why are you responding?

_Because this journal us a horcrux._

First of all, it's a diary. And second, I told you my name. You're supposed to tell me yours.

_Lord Voldemort._

No, I'm fairly sure my lord isn't a diary.

_Wait, I'm not the diary, I'm a soul trapped in a diary._

This is too confusing.

_You're only confusing yourself._

Cissy tells me that all the time…

**Hello! Sorry it's been so long! Please review! Have a wonderful whatever!**


	7. Chapter 7

Dear diary,

I have a confession to make. It's a really huge secret, and Voldy would kill me if he found out. If anyone reads this, I would die. Of embarrassment(is that a big word? do i get a cupcake?), or voldy would kill me. You have to promise not to tell a soul. Wait, you can't, you don't have a mouth. Which is why i like you. If you did have one, and told someone, I would crucio you until you were quiet. Oh right, I was going to confess to you. I think Voldy might suspect me, so if he reads this, he'll know it was me for sure. I can tell you, though, because you don't have hands and a wand and can't crucio me. So, uh, here's the secret. I ATE THE LAST COOKIE AND I BLEW UP SNAPE'S NEW HOUSE. would kill me for the cookie thing, but I think he'd find the Snape's house thing funny. So yeah, don't tell anyone, okay? Please? I DID NOT WRITE THAT I DONT HAVE MANNERS WHO WROTE THAT IT WASN'T MEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm going to make more poisons and try to see if Snape would notice if i put some in his pumpkin juice. Okay bye!

**Helloooooooo! Sorry I've been dead, but I was kinda depressed because they finally took the chat room down :( oh well! More insanity will be written, it is not the end of the world! So, please review, and have a wonderful whatever!**


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